then for some reason
I didn’t know
that 28th day
moved slower
and better
and brighter for me

you see
it’s when you were here, too
and I never knew that in a part of the world
the perfect girl was born
just for me

but if I had
I would have searched to find you
with my bike and a phonebook and God as my guide
I’d search this country from side to side
’til I found you

then I would see
if you wanted to play
and off we would be on some crazy adventure
playing in a ditch somewhere
or in a box
with some crazy hats on our heads

instead,
I had to wait 7000+ days ’til the first day we met
and starting all those times I’l never forget with you
poem after poem
my heart cried
intensifying the time you weren’t here

then 4ish years later
a lot of things changed
the biggest of all
you changed your last name
to mine

and if I’d known
how things are today
anytime along the way
I would find you

anywhere you were
I would come and stay
hug you
and hold you
dry all your tears
tell you to touch me
and hold me
and put all your fears away
’cause I’m here to stay forever
my God, you’re amazing
and smart

we’d laugh
and we’d dance
oh how we’d sing
and everyone who saw us
would say “that’s a beautiful thing”
the sun would always be shining
as we’d walk the street
and everyone would smile
at everyone they meet
and the stars would be bigger
by far
so all my love I send to you
and I’ll go to the end with you
Baby, all I’m regretting
is that I don’t have two lifetimes to spend with you

but it is the way she looks in the morning
when she opens her green eyes and looks at me
it is the curve of her arms intertwined in mine as we listen to the rain outside
it is her laugh
it is her humor
it is the way she teases and turns her head to the side with her mouth slightly open
it is small of her back and the way she closes her eyes as my hand wanders
it is the way that she falls asleep on top of me
it is the way she pulls me close
it is the way she loves to be kissed
it is the way she wants her coffee
her eggs
her bacon
her water without ice
it is her collection of scarves, gloves, and hats
it is the way she gets when she has had some caffeine
it is the way she loves me
it is the way she shows

it it is the love of my life

and It’s not just the way her hips move when she walks
it’s not just the way she smiles down the stairwell at me
and it’s not just the way the light runs down her legs
to her painted toenails

let me reach out my hand
let me touch your face
don’t pay attention to anyone else
just take me in

let me be your everything
let me swim in your eyes
let me brush your shoulders
let me trace
move between your thighs

just lay let me touch your skin
my hands on every part
take me
and my love
with all my heart

so just snuggle with your pillow
I’ll get the alarm

never mind what I said
I really meant french toast in bed

I don’t need the shower
lets just talk for an hour
or two
or three

you’re going to be late
but then, so am I

every day is a memory
every moment is a song

just stay
belong

 I take another step, and then another. My muscles strain, my legs burn as I see my breath disappear in the frosty November air of Mt. Pisgah National Forest. I look through God’s painting of leaves falling to my left, the umbers, the ochres, oranges, greens, yellows. The stream next to me pools at the slate rocks obstructing and forming the flowing beauty.

“I lead you beside still waters, I restore your soul. I lead you in paths of righteousness for the glory of My name…” the thought streams through me like the water that inspired it. I am filled with the Spirit, and my burdens are lightened at that moment.

I am God’s child, I am God’s friend, I am God’s man.

As a soldier in the Lord’s army, I am to train in the ways of what God wants from me as a man, as a defender of the faith, and as a representation of Him on the earth. So what have I been taught? What have I learned? How have I gone from the boy in the crowd watching wide-eyed at the officers marching by, to being a warrior for Christ – fighting the good fight, spiritually storming the gates of Hell?

He is my friend, He died in my place, He took the beating and the bullet for me. He did this knowing that my crimes would send me away to a place where I would die a slow, agonizing eternal death. He is the son of the king who stepped in front of the bullet to save the beggar from death. To Him I owe everything that I am. He saved my life, and I should be willing to give everything for Him.

But all He wants is for me to live the way He did. So, in my allegiance to my King, I give my all, my patriotism to the Kingdom. I am God’s man. As God’s man,

I am to follow His direction without hesitation.
I am to uphold His standard, even when grossly outnumbered.
I am to stand against evil, even if it means to stand alone.
I am to be humble. I am to be strong in the face of adversity.
I am to protect and provide for those who cannot for themselves.
I am to be a leader, and lead fearlessly by example.

I am God’s man

I am to carry those who are weary and fainting by the wayside.
I am to serve others as I serve my King.
I am to be selfless.
I am to cleanse my life of any foothold the enemy might use.
I am to intercede on the behalf of those in need.
I am to have a soft heart.

As God’s man, I am to be a spiritual leader, I am to give my strength to my wife, reinforcing, building, not draining or dragging her down. I am to share with her, not take away. I am to love her purely with the love that God has for her. I am to be vulnerable.

She should be able to rely on me, confide in me, lean on me, be moved, helped my me.

As God’s man, I am to be a leader among men as well. By my example, and as I follow Christ, I should be known as being a man after God’s own heart.

“Be men of courage; be strong”, 1 Corinthians 16:13

As God’s man, I am to love. Love God, love others. Love. In word, and deed.

May God mold me, take me to the place He has for me, repair the lost, unfinished, or unstarted parts of my life. Initiate me. Give me eyes to see. Let me be brave, let me be true. Give me strength and creativity to share with others in their own personal journey. Lead me.

lastly, or maybe first, as God’s man, I am to be romantic, and I am to appreciate true beauty. God has romanced us all with His beauty, and we should all take the time to recognize it, even if it’s the first time ever. God is a lover. God is romantic. God is beautiful.

Nothing pierces the soul like beauty.

As I look around in the cold November forest, I am immersed by it. I look up and see the most beautiful photographic shot I have ever seen in nature, framed perfectly by God’s amazingly romantic design. I look around, but there is nobody to see this but me, the light is perfect coming over the mountain. I really wished that I had a camera. 

Then came the words “My son, this is for you, this moment, know that I love you.”

I am. 

I do.

“And of course beauty: the beauty that was for him the link between ships and woods and poems. He remembered as though it were but a few days ago that winter night, himself too young even to know the meaning of beauty, when he had looked up at the delicate tracery of bare black branches against the icy glittering stars: suddenly something that was, all at once, pain and longing and adoring had welled up in him, almost choking him. He wanted to tell someone, but he had no words, inarticulate in the pain and glory. It was long afterwards that he realized that it had been his first aesthetic experience. That nameless something that had stopped his heart was Beauty. Even now, for him, ‘bare branches against the stars’ was a synonym for beauty.”
(A Severe Mercy)

autumn

the crisp night air
heightens the senses of my heart
with a love thats new
much like summer
six months ago

the longer days have gone away
longer nights are creeping in
put a scarf and a sweater
over that skin
beautiful skin

so as it slips colder
stay warm
remember your roots
as the weather and heart changes
sandals to boots

sandals to boots

kiss me
and take me back
to the beach that night
floating
in a whirlwind of love

kiss me
and we’ll be three years younger
on the sidewalk on Bee St.
dancing in the rain

kiss me
and it’s 3am
I’m calling ahead to the African morning
just to hear your voice
see that you’re there
and I care
I care

So kiss me, Love
and I’ll live in this moment
with you at the head of the stairs
your lips to mine
our hearts intertwined
kiss me now and forever

I’m left wanting more
as I walk out the door
and look back
at you watching your love walk away

but all my night through
I’ll be thinking of you
and when I can get back to the place
where I can live in the moment
with you at the head of the stairs
your lips to mine
hearts intertwined
with you now

and forever

Goodnight, Love.

I was working alone, and it had just begun to rain.

Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with the realization of God’s love for the world, for me. That He loved everyone so much that He would come to earth, set an example, and then suffer the greatest death anyone could imagine. All for love. For me.

I looked around at the rain covering the kudzu in the pines. I closed my eyes and felt the rain soaking through to my skin. I thought about how the love of God covers me, everyone, and everything. He is that big, that awesome. His love soaks to the very core of who I am, and it cannot be controlled.

His love will rain on me,
cover me,
keep me,
save me,
comfort me,
encourage me,
rescue me.

as I stood there today, eyes closed, I thought that I was as immersed as I could be. I was completely soaked beyond what I could have imagined. I thanked God for His love, for teaching me His ways, and for everything He has given me that I have never deserved.

When I opened my eyes, it began to rain harder.

“I saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk
pushing up through the concrete
like it was planted right there for me to see…
I saw God today”

Babe, anything you say
and when you don’t say a thing
across this wire
tugging my heartstrings
wishing you were home

my love,
heartstrings sound their sad song
as I lie in our bed
my arm across your side
and I keep reaching on

the feeling is strong
but I keep the tears inside
because it’s just one more day
and everything is alright

She’s got an inner child
A little tame and a whole lot of wild.
But as crazy as it is, it is who she is.
And she smiles and she frowns.
She’s sunshine and she’s clouds.
Emotional to say the least, but that’s ok with me.

‘Cuz when I fell, I fell hard for every part.
From the beauty in her eyes to the love that’s in her heart.
The good, the bad, the happy and the sad.
Her perfections, her every little flaw. I want it all.

And she found some new laugh lines.
But whenever she asks me, it’s only beauty that I see.

‘Cuz when I fell, I fell hard for every part.
From the beauty in her eyes to the love that’s in her heart.
The good, the bad, the happy and the sad.
Her perfections, her every little flaw. I want it all.

And when she falls asleep I know she’ll dream a little dream of me.
And in the morning she will see that it’s easy to believe.

‘Cuz when I fell, I fell hard for every part.
From the beauty in her eyes to the love that’s in her heart.
The good, the bad, the happy and the sad.
Her perfections, her every little flaw. I want it all.